The Auto Industry Microsoft Bailout

Here's an idea just for fun - what if Microsoft did the auto industry bailout instead of the feds? Not by loaning them money, but by simply buying the companies outright. Microsoft has enough cash and short term investments to buy Ford, GM, and probably Chrysler outright at their current stock prices (notwithstanding the Trade Commission and Monopoly fouls)! Then they could run them the Microsoft way.

So then I started thinking - what would a car be like that was made by Microsoft? Here might be the results:

1) You start your car by pressing Ctrl->Alt->Del

2) You get free upgrades each week to fix the bugs. New starters, new wipers, a new radio, etc. just shows up if you enable "Automatic Updates."

3) Sometimes, you can get a new service pack if you need to - but you really don't know why you need them.

4) When it isn't running right, just shut it off and restart it. No problem...

5) You would buy a "Home" version for personal use and a "Pro" version for driving to work.

6) You have to periodically take your car to the shop to remove all the ads and junk that just shows up in the trunk. You don't know how it all got there and it's too hard to remove yourself. But it weighs the car down so much it just can't hardly be driven anymore.

7) After 2 or 3 years, it just doesn't go as fast as it used to. It now takes 20 secs to go from zero to 60.

8) It comes with all sorts of free features and accessories from the factory, but you don't use them because the aftermarket parts work 3 times better.

9) You have to have a signature on the car somewhere to make sure it is genuine and not an illegal version.

10) It becomes uncool to drive the car instead of whatever Apple is selling.

11) When you buy a new house, you can get a new Microsoft car installed in your garage at little cost compared to their price at a store.

12) When you shut the car off, you will need to wait about a minute for it to finish.

Hmmmm. Just a few thoughts. Maybe the auto companies need to keep beggin' the feds....